Ro’s Birth Story

Ro was born in early September of 2019. As much as I would love to say that she is my first pregnancy, that is not the case. I had a miscarriage in spring of 2017. This obviously influenced the way I moved and accepted my pregnancy journey. This makes Ro extra special to us, she is our Rainbow Baby, what feels like a miracle.

My birth experience happened a little over a year ago, I am having a hard time figuring out where to start. I will use some anecdotes my husband shared with me during this writing process. So I guess, we will start at the beginning…

The days leading up to labor and delivery were super hot. In the Bay Area, it does not get hot often so anything 85+ degrees Fahrenheit is too hot to handle. My belly sat on my thighs, creating crevices full of sweat. If I landed on the couch, I was stuck and you can’t expect anything more from me. The night before going to the hospital was no different. Insomnia kept me up, lack of breath kept me up, sciatica pain kept me up and anxiety kept me up. As my husband fell asleep on the living bed, I laid on the couch, watching Deadwood hella late.

On this particular night, I had been feeling my contractions get a little bit stronger and longer. It was harder to focus on an episode or scrolling through the internet. When the contractions got stronger this day they felt like a combination of skin stretching internally and externally, while feeling the pressure on my bladder and cramping. Ya know, mild symptoms. During a battle scene on Deadwood, I heard a queefy type of pop come from my clitoris, vulva and vaginal area. “Did I fart? Are those gunshots from the show or the streets? Did my water break? Did I shart?!” The only way to find out was to reach down and touch myself. When I did so, I was so scared and nervous of what I was going to find. Blood was probably the scariest option I thought of before making any moves. I reached down, brought my fingers up, and saw blood on my left index and middle fingers!!

BLOOD??!! THIS WAS NOT IN MY CLASS!! I DIDN’T STUDY FOR THIS!!!!

As quickly as I could, I teetered right to left, lifted myself up, and waddled over to the other side of the living room to wake my husband up. It was too hot and hard to hollar at him. After a couple of shakes, he’s up. In my own quivering voice, full of fear, I ask him what should we do.

In this particular moment, as groggy as he was, he manages to remember to call the hospital – so simple. The Labor and Delivery advise nurse told me to keep an eye on the amount of blood, the coloring (the lighter the better). It was around midnight, so we decided to go to bed, to “rest.” Really, it was just moving from laying down in the living room to laying down in the bed. Vinny quickly fell asleep. Meanwhile, I went to the restroom to put a pad on my chonies, to track how much blood there was. I sat there on the toilet, afraid to wipe and see if there was more or less blood. I eventually went to bed, researching online to figure out what was happening to me. I think I might have text my sister-in-law who is a Labor and Delivery nurse, and a mom of two. So, eventually I fell asleep a little before or after 2 a.m. At approximately 3:30 a.m. I started to feel stronger contractions and woke up. This time I was able to stay a little more calm and breathe (to be honest I feel nervous writing this, so maybe I wasn’t as calm). I stayed breathing and meditating in bed with one or two contractions happening, as my husband laid calmly asleep. At 4 a.m. I got up and went to the restroom to check that pad; yes I found more blood. It looked like a light period, which means that I was bleeding a little consistently.

THIS IS IT. I AM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL. Quickly, I jumped in the shower to make sure I can meditate and go into this experience clear and cleansed of fear. My transformation was happening.

Nevertheless, in my own increasing anxiety, fear, and pain I woke up my partner after my shower. I was ready to go! Unfortunately for him, I pushed him to get ready so we can head out to the hospital as quickly as possible. My entire memory of this moment on are fuzzy for me. So, hear is Vinny’s account in third person:

Vinny woke up, he first thought, “SHIT! I’M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO SHOWER!” He jumped up out of bed and started getting dressed. He could hear me pacing back and forth from the living room to the bedroom. As he is looking for a belt or something, and all he hears me shout is, “JUST GET IN THE FUCKING CAR!!”

It was approximately 4:30 a.m. I am waiting for him, strapped in the front seat. The whole ride we were pretty silent. It took us about eleven minutest to get to the hospital, it was almost 4:45 a.m. As we arrived, Vinny did as our classes said and pulled into the Laboring Mom parking spots, but they were all full. Another detour. Luckily it was so early that the parking lot was not full and we were able to park on the first floor.

We checked in right before 5:00 a.m.

Vinny’s memory, September 2020

No one is here really. I remember getting checked in, waiting for the nurse to finish her call, and I start texting my parents. The plan was always for them to jump in a car, get on a plane to get here on time for my baby’s birth. My mother was not invited to be in the rooms my sister’s gave birth in, so we both knew how important it was for her to get to me on time. In this kind of situation I knew I wanted my mother in the space with me as I give birth. I trust how she cares for me and that those in the room will follow her lead if I ask for help. My mother is a reckoning!

Anyways, back to getting checked in. We are sent into a check-in room (there’s a real name for it but I can’t remember it), to see if I was dilated; I was not. We arrived to the hospital one day before her due date, so the hospital decided to keep me and give me Pitocin since I was having contractions, bleeding, and it was a day before her due date. We notified our families that we were being admitted to the hospital and it was GO-TIME! I was pretty calm by this moment. I felt safe that I was at the hospital and our nurses let us know that we were in no immediate danger.

Contractions got stronger and closer. I began to dilate naturally for a little bit, so we waited for the Pitocin. A few hours later I was below 4 centimeters, so they prepped the Pitocin; when they were going to administer it, I was then 4 centimeters dilated. At this point, there was some back and forth about how we were moving forward, dilating slowly, contractions getting stronger. We finally got moved into a Labor and Delivery room, and settled ourselves in. My plan was to go all natural – not knowing Pitocin was an option either.

It was probably 11:00 a.m. and my dad and younger sister were about to hit the road. My mom and niece got two tickets to fly out to see me. The drive from L.A. to the Bay Area is almost 6-7 hours, and the flight is an hour and a half. My mom’s flight was for 4:00 p.m. so she could arrive by 6:00 p.m. My mom’s flight was delayed by for hours; now set for 8:00 p.m.!! My dad and sister arrived at 6:30 p.m. Contractions were getting stronger and I was not fully dilated, waiting to go all the way, and waiting for my mom. She finally arrived around 11:00 p.m. and although we were tired, I was relieved to have her by my side.

I threw up after I had dinner, the reader around my belly kept slipping and the nurses read it as the baby’s heart rate dropping. But we felt pretty secure that she was not in danger. My one regret was that I was afraid to stand up, or sit up to keep the monitor in place. The heart monitor moved every single time she kicked. Throughout the night I went through so many strong contractions, breathing, drinking water and throwing up. At one point, I did get on a birthing ball to open up. My partner was massaging my back and helping keep the pressure off during contractions and actually helped break my water. When my water broke we learned that Rosemary pooped inside me. I wish I knew how to advocate for myself or even feel comfortable to get up sooner. I think if I were standing I would have dilated sooner and quicker, but we will see if I get to do that next time.

After 26 hours of active labor, the L&D nurse came in to let us know it was time to consider getting that epidural. Me, my love, and my mom were all tired from the labor the night before. I was throwing up. I was screaming in my sleep. I turned and looked at Vinny’s face, his eyebrows were drooping and nodded his head. He trusted me, and wanted to move safely. I took the epidural. To be honest, I was so happy I took it because I got to sleep for a full two hours!

After our two hour nap, we were fully dilated and ready to push. And after a few 4 big pushes, Vinny caught our baby and my beautiful child was born! She was placed on my chest for a moment. Everyone was excited but all I could think about was hearing out for her cry or scream. We weren’t out of the dark yet. They cleared her throat and then I heard her yell. I rested my head and sighed. Her dad called for her and she looked long into his eyes. We were parents and our lives were given a new purpose.