March 12, 2020
Oakland Unified School District closed their doors for the remainder of the week, and planned to be closed for two weeks, while running into Spring Break, making our planned quarantine three weeks long.
March 13, 2020
In less than 24 hours, we had to change our morning plan for our staff meeting. The original plan was to have them come in and prep in shifts for the “eventual” return. Within an hour or two we were sent home and a new plan from HR with various scenarios would be sent out. My genuine reaction and state of mind for the whole week was, “What the actual fuck?“
After leaving, I went to the market to grab a couple of necessities. For the last week, week and a half, people had been hoarding toilet paper, eggs, bread, milk, diapers, wipes and butter. We didn’t hoard because we are a small family and had recently gone to Sam’s Club in late February; so our toilet paper lasted us through May! I can’t remember what I grabbed that Friday at Lucky’s. What I do remember was seeing everyone’s panic, I felt their worry, and the uncertainty of life was palpable.
This was our first day of quarantine. Ro was 6 months old.
The official order of our county stated: This Order shall become effective at 12:01 a.m. on March 17, 2020 and will continue to be in effect until 11:59 p.m. on April 7, 2020, or until it is extended, rescinded, superseded, or amended in writing by the Health Officer.
Parenting During a Pandemic
Damn. When I came back to work from maternity leave, in February 2020, I was really excited to be a working mom! I was about to conquer my career and motherhood, even if daycare was going to be a financial strain. I, like the rest of you, never anticipated to be working from home, watch my child, and be a wife, 24-hours, 7 days a week. This major shift in our lives gave me the biggest shake up mentally and emotionally – it wasn’t part of the plan! How long will this last? Can I do it all at home? Will we be able to keep our jobs? These will be some long three weeks.
As an educator in my profession, my ethos is rooted in social-emotional learning, with using a trauma-informed approach, and building an anti-racist practice. With all of those terms and ideas, I really wanted to make sure I did this as a mom for my child. But it got really hard at the beginning of the pandemic because I was not emotionally charged to take this on. And it hurt to not be the best mom or partner. And I think I am nowhere near who I was in March. There is no binary in that statement – there is so much grey area in what has transpired for me.
We have our good and our bad days. Since we have been in our home with minimal social in-person interactions, we have gone stir-crazy for sure! The way I show up with my work loads, my exhaustion, and my responsibility to my child all determines my self-worth. As a person with a lot of social anxiety and a history of depression, these are very easy tracks of thought that can take me into the deep end. I know I am not alone.
In October, I took to my Instagram Story and asked how parents and non-parents were doing when it came to their mental health and habits they lean on during the pandemic.
After seeing these results, I had to take a seat back and recognize that parents are drowning. I have been looking for resources for parents to help keep my mind and soul right. Something important to consider is that there is no one correct way to be successful. Read articles, keep and modify what works best for you. We have to remember who is providing resources, what is their experience, and how do they relate to your reality?
For me, routines and schedules keep me on task and help create a safe structure for young people. But, I am usually working and not able to hold her schedule to a T. My partner is the one who has taken what I desired to create and modified it to his authentic relationship with our baby. We began talking more and really name what our end goal is out of a conversation, talk about feelings (intention vs. impact), and advocate for space! Not everything needs to get talked about right away, sometimes I need to simmer so I don’t say something mean. We are working on it.
Here are a few links for Parenting in a Pandemic:
- Parenting in a Pandemic: Tips to Keep the Calm at Home
- The Pandemic Parenting Guide: How to Improve Your Child/Teen’s (and Your Own) Emotional Well-Being in Times of COVID-19
- Parents Latina Magazine (page is full of various articles)
- The Unique Challenges Facing Latina Moms During COVID-19
- Spanish-language resources help parents deal with challenges of distance learning
Milestones March-November 2020
- March 13, 2020 – Go into shelter-in-place; Breonna Taylor is murdered
- March 26, 2020 – What would have been MLB Opening Day
- May 6, 2020 – We laid in grass in our front yard
- May 10, 2020 – My first Mother’s Day
- May 25, 2020 – George Floyd is murdered
- June 7, 2020 – Oakland’s Children’s March (Ro’s first protest)
- June 25, 2020 – Husband’s first Father’s Day; Saw my parents for the first time
- July 20, 2020 – First play date since March
- July 23, 2020 – MLB Opening Day
- August 1, 2020 – Fire season begins (lasts through late September-early October)
- August 2, 2020 – Radical Momma goes live!
- August 10, 2020 – School year begins online
- September 2, 2020 – Ro’s First Birthday!
- September 6, 2020 – Ro’s Zoom birthday party
- September 8-10, 2020 – The sky was orange
- September 22, 2020 – Stopped exclusively pumping
- October – Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
- October 10, 2020 – Pumpkin Patching
- October 15, 2020 – Ro is walking completely independent!
- October 25, 2020 – Drop off early voter ballot
- October 27, 2020 – DODGERS WIN THE WORLD SERIES!
- October 30, 2020 – Covid-19 hits home
- October 31, 2020 – Quarantine Halloween
- November 3, 2020 – Election Day
- November 5, 2020 – Ro creates first painting
- November 7, 2020 – Joe Biden announced as President-Elect
- November 13, 2020 – San Francisco and Bay Area counties roll back on reopening
- November 16, 2020 – We pulled Ro from daycare