today i am feeling insecure and ashamed. feelings i have not seen since my miscarriage – signs of depression. a lot of lashing out, frazzled/cloudy brain.
is the only scapegoat i have the pandemic? is it a scapegoat or a true mind fuck.
after my miscarriage i lost sense of control over my life. that is what i am afraid of; a misunderstanding of life.
truly though, when have i ever been in control? it is more a sense of knowledge, familiarity and stability.
for the first time, my mind is resting. to acknowledge i am breaking brings tears to my eyes. it has been a long time since i have felt anything outside of fear , anxiety and all my insecurities.
i want to feel the power i see in other women. i want to find the confidence in my being. my ideas and feelings are truths to the journey of healing.
i am scared, and i want that fear to go away.
araceli, ven. quédate.